Autophobia.

One of its definitions includes "fear of oneself".
I had no idea it even existed.
Imagine what it must be like - scared of seeing your reflection in the mirror, scared of your own shadow. Literally scared of your own shadow.
Imagine.

How do you deal with a mentally unstable person who screams at you in the public ground of a mental institution?

And then when said person apologizes with his voice still vibrating with anger?

How.

Hello, Islamabad.

There were SO MANY MORE but I think I should stop here =P

04-12-09

I miss blogging. I really do. But I just don't know what to write about anymore. December's here, and its still hot. God.

I Suck At Titles.

I really, really crave a break from this hideous rut I'm stuck in. Work, work, home, work, work. I like being busy, but I do NOT like boring and that's exactly what I am aj kal.

... And Eid.

Going to visit 'precious' family is NOT my idea of 'fun holidays'. I'd rather stay home and watch seasons on DVD. Eat Lays. French Cheese. Yummay.

Sometimes, I wish I were a hermit. Nobody would say anything to me for being antisocial. It'd just be the way I am. Was. Whatever.

Meine nai Islamabad jana =(

Smile, You.

"You're amazing. I promise."

"No. You are."

"I'm addictive maybe. Like cocaine or heroin. But you, you're addictive like salvation and goodness and wholesomeness and love. You're an angel."

23-11-09

You know what cheers me up, aj kal?

Wannabe.

You guessed it. The Spice Girls. =P

Een, please don't kill me.

21-11-09

I really, really want to work in Fountain House.

Really.

DASS 21.

If anyone knows where to get a reasonably tameez dar Depression Anxiety Stress Scale (21) form in Urdu, please email me ASAP. The one I have... sucks.

Update.

So, the 'clinical' practicals are starting. We're supposed to gather 3 patients each; interview them, apply tests on them and make a clinial case report. All of us are pretty much doing this for the first time ever and we're obviously apprehensive. We've heard about some pretty bad and freaky stuff happening during interviews: from our seniors.

I don't know. None of us knows what to expect. It IS kinda scary because we're all afraid of somehow making somebody even worse than they already are by offending them or something.

One thing.

How the hell are we supposed to interview them about their complete sexual history?! And the questions we're supposed to ask are... well. Seriously embarrassing for US, not them. Almost all of us will get male clients.

God. I hope nothing goes wrong. We're messing with people's brains, in a way =/

Sleepovers.

I hate it when our sleepover dates get cancelled.
I need that sleepover.
Dammit.

Its all because I study. I should stop.

I should stop, haina?

Have You Realized?

Have you realized,

baby,

that there are heart-breaking
silences

where we once used to say

'I love you'?

Wtf?

Is wearing earrings a sign that you're getting married? I usually don't wear dangling earrings - no, not because I'm uncomfortable, I LOVE them, but because I just never bothered wearing them to college.

I wore them yesterday.

I wore them today.

And both times I was asked "tumhari mangni ho gai hai?" "tumhara rishta pakka ho gya hai?"

W.
T.
F?!

I can't wear earrings because I'm not married?

Thank You, You Beautiful People.

Mona, Fati, Een, Bia, Sid, Anush, Bazqa, Zahra, Areesha and Sarah. Thank you all SO MUCH. You guys made my day insanely special, and I LOVE you all for that, I do. Thank you, really.

With lots and lots of love,

Maryam.

P.S. Een and Sid. My most ispashul peepul. Thank you both. Love you <3, always.

05-11-09

I love african daisies and coffee and mint ice-cream and the smell of rain and the scent of wet dirt. I like the smell of freshly mown grass and frying french fries. I love french fries. I could eat them all day and be happy. I love making new stuff, I love meeting up with my friends after a long, long time and thinking for the moment, just that moment, that they're here for me after all. That all you people are mine =)

I am insane about Copper Kettle's Mama's Poutine.